Big ducks parade through all our lives. Some waddle in front of us to slow our progress. Some nag us, with an incessant "quackquackquack," to change ourselves. Some startle us with a gigantic QUACK and dramatically flapping wings to get us out of their way. Ducks never change. They are happy with their world. However, we can change our reactions to their behavior. First, we need to identify our personal Big Ducks. Once we know who they are, we can develop multiple plans-of-action to deal with them. Identify your "waddlers." They may be bosses, co-workers, friends. spouses, customers, even siblings and off-spring. They may even be YOU, yourself. You recognize them by words and phrases they use. "You can't" is one. You can't change that process. We have always done it that way. You can't possibly believe that we could accomplish that in that time frame. You can't hold that belief, we proved it wrong a long time ago. Now, identify your "naggers." they are found in the same groups as your "waddlers." The words and phrases they use differ, however. With "naggers," you frequently hear, "You always" or "You never." You never finish jobs on time. You always criticize everything I try to do. You never appreciate what I do for you. You always want me to be something I am not. You never keep your promises. You always want me to drop what I am doing to accommodate you. Next, identify your "gigantic QUACKERS." Again, they are found in the same groups. Typically, they have no repetitive phrases. Rather, they come around a corner and blind-side you. For example, you apply for a job that you believe you can really do and make a difference. "Quackers" respond by telling you that you are over-qualified or under-qualified. Few other details are spoken. No suggestions. No clarification. No justifications. They simply do not want you. In another example, your boss asks you to come in to see him/her, maybe through a note in your professional mailbox. You wonder what is the concern or purpose. You start to worry. You start to question. You start to analyze. When you arrive, the Quacker drops the unexpected bombshell. We are taking you off this job you have been doing. We are offering you this golden parachute. Your ideas are too far into the future for the rest of us. No explanations. No rationales. No reasons. Again, they simply do not want your skills, your character, your ideas — YOU. How then, do you disarm them. How do you take away their weapons? How do you escape from the prison they want to create for you. "Wadddlers" are relatively easy to deal with. You simply out-think them. You have two paths that are easy to follow. One you can resort to asking questions — questions that seek information or request clarification. Do not offer suggestions. Just keep asking questions that lead you to understand their thinking, their objections, their hurdles. With that information in hand, develop a plan for going around them, over them, or through them. Identify the point-of-pain of the "You can't." Then, build a strategy that educates them to your thinking. Share the possibilities. If you get stuck, think about the person at UPS who proposed that drivers plan their routes to make no left turns. Shaved 30 million miles, saved 3 million gallons of gas, reduced carbon dioxide emissions by 32,000 metric tons! Imagine the original "You can't." "Naggers" are also easy to deal with. First, agree with them. Do not justify. Do not fight. Do not try to turn the nagging sword on them. Using these tactics simply perpetuates the struggle. Instead, reverse your behavior in gigantic proportions. Turn the "You never" into an appreciated "You always." If tardiness is your "never," plot a strategy that makes you always "ahead of time." If criticize is your "always," change your behavior into an appreciated applause. In the end, if the naggers persist, switch to a useful affirmation. "With love that I send to you, it is time for you to go out of my life." Then, watch to see how the other person changes. "QUACKERS" are the toughest to deal with. They may have the power of position and title. They may have monetary control. They may have supporters who protect them. If you are to disarm them, you must out-think them in the longest time-frames. Do not attempt to change them. Work on how you change yourself to optimize your success. Leave your comfort zones to explore new territories. Increase your knowledge and experience base. Engage QUACKERS in confrontational thinking battles for which you have prepared yourself with weapons of facts, figures, charts, drawings, results, plans, strategies, and tactics. In the end, if you still feel that you are pushing a rock up a hill, you must be prepared to find those who appreciate what you have to offer — even if it means going elsewhere. We all deserve cheerleaders in our lives.
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