Managers are always being told "Be a good listener". But they're rarely told how in practical terms. We ask lots of questions to show we're listening and seeking information. Some simple techniques make all the difference. 1. Have A Goal. Whenever you talk to a colleague or employee about work, be purposeful. You should have a fairly good idea of the purpose of your talk. It may be to solve a problem, resolve a difference of opinion, obtain an opinion or just gain information. Your talk may be formal or informal. Whatever it is, try to achieve something specific. 2. "Why" Is A Word To Avoid. When you ask "why?" you'll get opinions, explanations or defensiveness. You'll rarely get useful information. Ask "what?", "how?", "when?", "who?", "which?". If your questions don't generate useful information, you're wasting your time. 3. Always Paraphrase. To paraphrase is to repeat in your own words the words of the person you're speaking with. For whatever reason, some employees have difficulty saying what they mean clearly and specifically. The ideas in their minds don't necessarily translate into cogent sentences. They'll welcome empathetic paraphrasing to help them clarify their thoughts. 4. Clichs Kill Cogent Communications. One of the worst communications clichs is "My door is always open". I often wonder if there's an additional unspoken sentence such as "But don't enter" or "Only tell me what I want to hear". Conversational clichs are rife in business today. Avoid them. Jargon or clich are often misunderstood by others and suggest that you're not really interested in listening. 5. Gain Understanding. Seek understanding frequently and constantly. Ask the person you're talking with to paraphrase what you're saying too. Asking "Do you understand?" almost invariably is answered "Yes". That's because the employee either wants to please you or feels you're not listening. By following these tips, the employee will usually believe that you're really listening. When they say "Yes" ask them to use their own words to repeat their understanding. You may be surprised ...! 6. Reflect Feelings. If the person you're talking with is angry, upset or emotional, acknowledge the emotions. Never ever say "Calm down!" Until they accept that you acknowledge their feelings as valid and real they won't calm down and good communications will be impaired. 7. Value Silence. "When you ask a question, shut up!" Avoid the temptation to fill silence with words. And persist. Keep asking and paraphrasing answers until you get a useful reply. Conclusion. The basics of sound face to face communications aren't hard to learn. But in the urgency and cut and thrust of daily business, it's easy to forget them. Be focused, patient, persistent and sensitive. You'll be the main beneficiary.
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