Anger management by Emailing When Angry? Don't even think of it! Don't even think of it! Don't even think of it! No Really, Do not even think of it! I think we all have done it, emailing when angry, thinking I will show them. I have expressed angry many times angry even after a mentor said, "Don't even think of it!" For a while, I did not take her suggestion. I paid for it dearly every time. I have seen others pay for it, then I help them calm down and rewrite the email in feelings and needs (See example below). Paying for it emotionally lingers for a long time. In fact, do not ever communicate when you are upset or dysfunctional. You will only pay for it repeatedly and regret this strategy. Other Solutions: Figure a different strategy instead of emailing when angry, to meet your needs. 1: Calm down first. Use some of the archived empathy tips at the website below, 2: Use breathing, self-empathy, empathy from another. 3: Be heard from another if your anger is still intense, as the person you are emailing probably will not want to hear you. 4: Check on your intention, is it to blame, shame or do you really want to connect with this person? 5: Think of what you really want from the person that would meet your needs. The needs that would be met is the part we most forget when we are expressing to another. 6: Call them or meet with them in person. Email is for informationand not conveying emotions and needs. Email loses much of the clarity that you receive from the phone or in person. Most Important: Remember to take a minute to set your intention. ( intention for peaceful communications, to express honestly, patience, for each other to be heard) Remember to BREATHE Example: Dysfuntional Communication: (Blaming Shaming, instilling Guilt) You did a rotten thing to me yesterday when you told John that I smoke cigars . Now he will not leave me alone about it. You are an idiot Functional Communication: (Observation) When you told John I smoke cigars and now he calls me every hour about it, I'm very (feeling) concerned because I value (need) consideration for my privacy. (Request) Would you keep to yourself issues what we discuss? Now it is time to hear from them and answer your request for privacy. Good luck!
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