1. Don't ask your daughter how you can help; she doesn't know or she would tell you. This also communicates that you are just as baffled as she is. She is looking to you for help even if she won't admit it. When girls hear their parents come to them for what to do or how to help, she gets even more scared. She may decide since you don't know how to help she has to figure it out herself. This is part of what got her where she is in the first place. Trying a destructive solution for a legitimate problem. What do you do when you come up against other things you don't know how to handle with your kids? You do the best you can and either research the subject or ask for help. An eating disorder is no different. 2. As you learn the eating disorder lingo, like the eating disorder abbreviation is ED, ana is an abbreviation for anorexia, or mia is another word for bulimia; don't over use them. It's almost like these words are a badge of honor and if you use them condescendingly or loosely, your daughter will begin to dismiss you. Some girls don't like the abbreviations at all and it will irritate them greatly if you utilize the lingo with them. Sometimes it is best to ask if you can use these words in discussion or if there are other words she would rather you use to refer to the eating disorder. 3. Try not to over-discuss things. What I mean by this is ask your question or state your concern and wait for a response. Parents often believe if I can just ask the right question or ask it in the right way I will get a response. This often frustrates your child when she is already having difficulty putting words to her thoughts and feelings. Stay away from 20 questions and err on the side of brevity. She will appreciate it and will feel more open to future discussions if she knows she will not be badgered with questions. 4. Don't expect her initially to be able to verbalize how this happened. She won't have an answer and this will add to the guilt she already feels. She may appear on the surface to only feel angry and oppositional about food, but underneath there is a ton of guilt for being a burden and her belief that she has disappointed you. 5. Don't require things of her that she is uncomfortable with in the early stages. Some examples might be forcing her to go to a swimming party when she is so self-conscious in a bathing suit; requiring her to go to a sleepover when they are serving breakfast the next morning. It is okay to offer to pick her up before breakfast if that will help her stay connected with friends. Be flexible early on and know her recovery is a process. It will get easier again as she progresses.
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