Dealing with difficult people includes working with difficult people but also those in the family system who are distressing. In our recent consultations with clients here's a sample of the type of experience when dealing with difficult people in the family system. AN EXAMPLE OF FAMILY MEMBER CONFLICT Here is what one person has explained. I sure appreciate your advice on coping with difficult people. What I have noted though is in dealing with difficult people at work or acquaintance type relationships it is easier than with family members. I am changing the way I am interacting with my family members and the more I do this, the more persistent and stubborn some of them have become in trying to keep things the same. CHANGED RULES OF COMMUNICATION When I started setting limits, setting boundaries and speaking out about how I truly feel there was a backlash. As other family members have continued to try and stick their nose into my personal space I have been very strong to keep reminding them about my personal boundaries. However, a close family member has stopped talking to me altogether and cut off all communication. IT IS NOT NEW IN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE This response from other people is nothing new. This occurs when dealing with difficult people at work and personal experience. When you alter your communication patterns with someone, their first response is to keep working harder to keep the communication the same. When you still persist to change your communication, they often respond by cutting off their communication. COPING IN THE FAMILY SYSTEM Dealing with difficult people who are family members is often much more complex than dealing with difficult people at work. This is because family members often know the behavior of each other so well. There have been years and years of dysfunctional communication patterns happening in the family system. When one family member attempts to change the way they communicate, the reaction of others is way over the top. Family members often react with a greater degree of resistance to these long held communication patterns. Going to extremes of becoming even more negative in their communication or refusing to communicate. CUTTING OFF COMMUNICATION ALTOGETHER There's many ways to handle things when a member of the family cuts off communication with you. But the most vital point for you to remember in dealing with difficult people in any situation is this. ANOTHER PERSON AND THEIR RESPONSIBILITY Here it is. Ultimately other people have to be responsible for their own behavior. They must take responsibility for how angry, upset and stressed they are about your communication changes. You can be understanding and empathetic. You can try and keep the communication channels open. You can try and work through their issues and concerns with them. But in the end, it is their decision and responsibility if they decide to cut off further communication with you. DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND LETTING GO You have to be aware that no matter how you attempt to handle the situation, sometimes family members decide to 'cut all ties' and no longer communicate with you. You need to recognize that in the end it is their decision to behave in this way. You have to actually respect their decision and let go in dealing with difficult people. Let go, give them the space they have demanded and get on with living your life. DEALING WITH PEOPLE AND FURTHER IDEAS FOR YOU In further articles we'll look at other methods of dealing with people who cut of communication with you. But now stop the guilt. Remember that the decisions adults make are their own choices. Dealing with difficult people in the family means understanding, as you do in dealing with difficult people at work, that everybody makes their own decisions about their lives.
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