If you are a fan of Top Gear, you will be well aware that that old dog Clarkson is not exactly a fan of caravans. Yes, Jezza spends a lot of his time ranting and raving about a number of topics, but his most venomous tirades are saved to convey his disdain what he considers veritable road snails. He is joined in this seemingly over the top attack by co-host Richard Hammond who frequently instigates impressive explosions using single berth beauties on yet another TV classic, Brainiac. This show features many interesting scientific experiments, but the love of blowing up the odd Sprite here and there seems to bear no relation to physics at all. Let us hope that their passion does not blow over into their social lives; I have an almost frightening image of Jeremy and Rich tip-toeing around suburban estates, petrol bombs in hand, with the idea that they are performing some sort of social service. This leads me to wonder if there is a clause in specialist caravan insurance services to cover incidences of destruction due to an irrational distaste for mobile homes. Is it possible to make a car port or garage large enough to keep them safe from the Clarkson's of the world, or is safety in numbers a preferable option; single berths snuggling safely with six berths in the bucolic fields that form the British countryside. Even on camping sites, I fear there is no safety. I distinctly remember the dangerous duo teaming up with the third motoring musketeer, James May to wreak destruction at a holiday park. The trio jack-knifed their way into position, crushing a fellow camper's awning and then preceded to clumsily set the caravan alight with an 'accidental' chip pan fire. To be fair, getting caravan insurance for Top Gear must be a hard task; and sourcing all those caravans for the purpose of a glorified pyrotechnic display can't be easy either. From what I gather, the touring masses are fond of their mobile abodes and I can fully appreciate why. To be living a life where the world is your garden and experiencing the freedom of the open road is truly a dream come true. Static caravan owners are also buying into a lifestyle that reflects a downshift from the rat race some of us can only dream of. While we are working nine to five selling the aforementioned caravan insurance services, the happy camper is taking in the seaside air, decidedly unbothered by the TV tantrums of Top Gear presenters. If I was a broker in charge of caravan insurance, I would definitely add a Clarkson clause to the policy. Sure, caravan owners need to protect their Swifts and Buccaneers from theft, hob fires, tidal waves and the like, but the vandalous attitudes sported by certain celebrities is bound to reflect some proportion of the population. Is there an uprising on the horizon where angered motorists are plotting revenge on the laid back lifestyle of caravan owners? If Jeremy and Co are heading a battle I think they will find that resistance will come in the form of an offer of a cup of tea whilst taking in the beautiful view, and a gentle hint that a Clarkson Clause is indeed already in place.
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