Many parents aren't sure how to broach the subject of a possible eating disorder with their daughter. Often past attempts resulted in conflict and defensiveness and it is difficult to break through to a productive conversation. I often recommend that parents write a letter that includes their concerns and feelings. This allows the parent to be a bit more objective and less emotional. It also puts their daughter in a position of seeing their concerns in black and white and forces her to sit with the information a bit before responding. I am offering this sample letter as a template. Use it as a starting place and modify it in any way that represents you and your thoughts and feelings about your daughter and her behavior. Dear Daughter, The first thing I want to say is how much I respect your strength and the compassion you show toward other people. You truly have a wonderful heart; I know your friends love this about you and so do I. You are not only important to your friends, but you are so valuable to me as well. I watch you in your friendships and you are such a good listener and take such good care of people you love. My concern is it doesn't seem like you are taking very good care of yourself right now. I see you eating less and the list of foods you won't eat seems to be growing longer every week. You also appear to be losing weight and seem to have less energy for the things you enjoy. I have also noticed you don't want to be with your friends as much as you used to. I don't know if you are aware of these things or not, I just want to be open with you about the changes I am seeing. I'm not sure if you are concerned about your weight and how you look, or if there are things you are struggling with inside that I don't know about. I would like for us to talk about these things, and this letter is my attempt to reach out to you and let you know I am concerned. I respect you enough not to force you to talk with me about it, and it is important you know that you must talk with someone. It is not an option to not address this, so whether you want to talk with me, the school counselor, another counselor, our pastor or someone else you might suggest, you need to speak with someone. You are a strong, determined person and I know you have the ability to take the first step and talk about this. I don't want a response from you immediately. I would like to check in with you tomorrow when you get home from school, so let's plan on talking then. I love you and we'll figure this out one step at a time. However you modify the letter, make sure you keep the respectful tone and focus on the behaviors you see. Stay as objective as possible and minimal with your emotions. Put the letter in your words as much as you can so it sounds like you, her parent, not a form letter.
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