Mankini: Every Man Should Try It Once.

Now that men"s and women"s swimwear have both shrunk down to extraordinary levels of skimpiness, men can understand the true humiliation that comes with swimsuit season. In honor of the mankini, here are three key steps to walking tall in a bathing suit the size of an elastic band.

1. Before you even think about donning a mankini, you will need to assess your level of hairiness and its effect on the suit. This is not your standard pair of board shorts, the majority of your body will not only be visible, but screaming out for attention. If you have male-pattern-hairiness (random patches of hair sprouting up in peculiar and nonsymmetrical sites on your body) you may need to trim just a bit here and there. If you have enough body hair to rival a yeti, then people may not even be aware that you are sporting mens thong swimwear. In this case you have to choose to either own your hairiness and be proud or commit to a schedule of full body waxing. It hurts to be beautiful sometimes.


2.Practice difficult maneuvers such as walking, sitting, and running, bending over and breathing in the privacy of your own home. There are certain angles from which the body cannot be viewed in a positive way. The mankini banana hammock exploits every single one of these. Do not attempt to jump or climb a tree without an incredible amount of practice or at the very least several friends with camera phones at the ready.

3.Confidence is your ally. Shyness will only invite taunting. If you are a muscle bound, air force ranger, it"s unlikely that any one will do anything but look on in shock. However, if you haven"t been to the gym in a while, you will need some serious cahonas in order to pull it off. If you can"t be good looking at least be interesting looking.


Now you know how every woman feels when she dons a bikini. Feel some empathy for her and glorify in the fact that board shorts cover up all your junk. After all, you are a man and don"t have to worry about this stuff.

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