When you compose your gift list this year stop and consider that what kids really want is love--your love. Sure, they will ask for electronics, games., books, clothes--all the usual stuff from the store. However, kids, like adults, deep down want to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love them, cherish them--just exactly the way they are and, maybe even more importantly, the way they aren't. I am not talking about unconditional love. There is no distinction between love and unconditional love. Either you love someone no matter what they do in life or you don't. Period (Everyone occasionally makes mistakes or does something that disappoints or hurts your feelings knowingly or, more commonly, without knowing.) If your youngster needs to behave a certain a way or not behave a certain way to feel loved you are placing conditions on your so-called love. Think about loving your child sometimes and not loving him at other times. Thinking about it? Well, you really can't, can you? What a ludicrous concept! Can't even get your head around it, right? Either you love your child or you do not love your child. Please realize that your child is a person who exhibits behaviors. Your young person may do things or not do things to your liking. And you always love your kid. You may not like the behaviors. You may completely disapprove of or ban those behaviors from the house and you still love that young person--the real person inside. Something else about love--every person has his own unique definition of love. Some people only feel love when they the hear words, "I love you." Others want hugs. Some want gifts. The list of ways to show love goes on forever. Want to know the biggest most thoughtful gift you can give your kid? Ask him what he needs from you to know, absolutely and positively, that you love him. No guessing allowed. So very many people walk around thinking no one loves them. How can that happen? For George, love means hugging and cuddling. Lily knows love when she hears the spoken words, "I love you." George hugs and cuddles with Lily thinking she knows he loves her so very much. She feels hurt and thinks George is just meeting his own need for touching. George hugs and cuddles more to show Lily how very very much he loves her. She feels still deeper hurt, not hearing the words and not caring about the touching. As parents, you want your kids to have the best of everything. Your love, coming in the form that spells out "I love you" in your little person's terms is giving them the best life has to offer. Now how do you create a gift of love? With the knowledge of what love is for your young person, find as many ways as you can to express that love. One popular activity in my home when my kids were young--that extended into their teen years--was going on dates. Mom would have a date with each child and Dad would have a date with each child. Or maybe make it a monthly deal--something to look forward to. A date is interactive time together doing something you both enjoy. Note, watching a movie is not a date; it is two people watching actors do what they enjoy. Engage in some activity that allows you to talk and connect. Do you know that most kids have no clue that you have a life apart from being their parent? Even into the teen years, most kids think you are all about being there for them. Well, of course you are about being there for them and you have your own feelings, thoughts, and interests. If you do not enjoy what you do with your child--trust me, your child will know it. Both of you will feel miserable. Kids grow up so fast. In the blink of an eye they are out the door. Savor every minute you can get with your child and know what an honor and privilege it is to be a parent. Enjoy your children. Make your holidays great!
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