I am a psychologist and marriage counselor in the Woodstock-Cary-Algonquin-Lake in the Hills and Crystal Lake area of Illinois. I find that there are 11 signs that indicate you or your family members would benefit from counseling when going through a divorce or separation. What are these signs? 1.A relationship that is characterized by numerous arguments and conflicts that are disruptive to the emotional status of family members 2.A relationship which is saturated with strain, bitterness and tension just below the surface 3.When the talk of separation causes fear and anxiety in family members which significantly degrades the quality of daily life 4.The childrens uncertainty and worry about which ones will remain in the family home and which ones will re-locate 5. Children experiencing excessive stress, agitation, acting-out or conflict about being separated from a parent or sibling 6. Parents who should be separated but are still living under the same roof because of logistical or financial problems, thus causing increased coldness and estrangement in the home 7. Conflicts, arguments and frustration caused by a seriously compromised lifestyle engendered by financial stress caused by the expense of operating two households 8. Symptoms of acting-out, depression, anxiety, fear, rage, substance abuse or poor school performance in family members 9. Anger, bitterness, arguments and frustration caused by having to accommodate new step-parents, step-children or step-siblings 10. Child management and discipline problems that result from single parenting or lack of cooperation from the ex-spouse 11. Children that appear to be experiencing some guilt or anxiety for the marital failure If you experience any of these issues, you can benefit from counseling. But if you begin, what can your counseling accomplish? How will it benefit you? 1.You will learn how to nurture your kids and reassure them that they are still loved and not responsible for the marital discord. 2.You will learn to develop flexible living arrangements that meet your kids needs. 3.If you and your partner are still living together, practical and clear guidelines will be set-up to keep the situation from getting more toxic. 4.You will discover how to integrate new additions to the family resulting from remarriage or cohabitation. 5.You will develop a plan for cooperative parenting that keeps you and your former spouse on the same page so conflicts can be minimized. 6.Your children will learn to accept the break-up as independent from anything they have ever said or done. 7.Your therapist may prescribe daily affirmations or motivating thoughts so that your subconscious mind really believes that you do not have to worry about the separation. When your subconscious believes it, your everyday mind will follow and the anxiety will disappear 10.The therapist may prescribe some articles or books for you to read about surviving divorce and ask that you select relevant concepts to discuss in your counseling session. 11.Your therapist will likely help you to develop an awareness of your fear of independence triggers and constructive ways to manage them. 12.You may be asked to write about how your unsatisfactory marriage contributed to your anxieties and those of your family members and how your divorced state may enhance your emotional recovery and that of your children. 13.Your therapist will assist you in developing insight into any personal or career changes that may be needed in order to maximize the success of your newly separated living situation. 15.You may be encouraged to increase your awareness of how your upbringing may have affected the way you behave in relationships. Often a traumatic past may linger or even lurk into your present, thereby encouraging a pattern of dysfunctional relationships. 16.In helping you to manage a traumatic past, your therapist may help you identify the role you played in your family of origin, the feelings associated with it and the way it may impact your current or future relationships. 17.The therapist may help you to identify self-defeating patterns relevant to the way you operate in relationships and suggest ways of modifying them so they are not repeated. 18.You will identify sources of ongoing support and reassurance to help you in effectively curtailing and managing your anxiety about starting anew.
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