Remember old-fashioned etiquette? There’s a lot to be said for it. Not only was there once an elaborate system of manners, but there were also certain topics of conversation that were considered anathema, with very good reason. By avoiding them, people really became artists of conversation. Even if it was simply talking about the weather, there was a pleasant exchange to be had. These days the elaborate rules have gone by the wayside, but there are still guidelines on what is appropriate or not for conversation. Along with the old, traditional topics to avoid, there are a few new ones. Above all, try to be kind and use your common sense. Keeping quiet is never a bad option. Think about what you say, before you say it. And remember: you can never get those words back. So choose them wisely. If you want a man to be comfortable and enjoy your first meeting, do not ask him about: Past relationships. Do not go prodding him about his previous relationships, why they ended, and all the gory details. All it will do is make him uncomfortable and may well cast both of you in a negative light. His sex life. It’s not your business. Someday it may be, depending on how things fall out. But on a first date, you don’t have any reason to be asking about former lovers, how many he’s been through, or anything else. Politics. This topic is such a controversial one, it is always best to avoid it. People can be very passionate about their views, and it’s all too easy to make him (or yourself) angry when politics comes up. Even if you are dating because politics brought you together, take it easy and go carefully at first. Religion. Try to avoid this one, unless your religion is what brought you together. In that case, discuss it sparingly, don’t let it rule the conversation. You may want to ask him about his thoughts if he’s a religious studies major in college or something, but you may end up making yourself uncomfortable if the conversation gets too deep. His financial status. There’s no reason good enough to ask about that kind of thing. Ask about his work, ask if he enjoys it, but do not ask about how much he makes, what sort of things he owns, and how many credit cards he has. It’s none of your business. Life-planning details. Detailed information about what he wants in a relationship isn’t necessary right now. Certainly find out the generalities is appropriate, that’s what you’re there for. But avoid asking about how many children he wants, how he feels about marriage, and related issues. No matter how interested a guy is in marriage or children, intense discussion of it on a first date is really out of place. Many men won’t admit to themselves that they’re looking for marriage, making it doubly uncomfortable. Girl stuff. Never, ever, start up a discussion about shoes, nails, hair, and makeup. If he likes how you look, he’ll say so. The details of shopping and the other steps you take to look good bore most men. His feelings. Don’t ask how he feels. Men don’t like to talk about their feelings. Ask what he thinks. Oh, and here’s an important note: do not answer your cell phone calls or text messages during a date. It is rude. Unless there is a true emergency, your attention should be focused on your date, not on all your girlfriends calling (or texting) while you’re talking. It’s a first date. The idea is to get to know each other, not pick each other’s brains for the smallest details. Keep things light and relaxed, and as long as the chemistry is good, you’ll probably get a second date.
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